Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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