and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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