A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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