I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
