Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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