At least make sure they are 18
Why
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
