I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
