Don't make out with my wife yet
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
