The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
