Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
do herpes really smell.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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