mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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