I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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