It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
there is puke in my bra ... again
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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