he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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