Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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