You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
