Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
