The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
