funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
