I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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