I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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