so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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