Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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