i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
