Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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