HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
