I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
