It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
