Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
