i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
