I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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