They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
