I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
