We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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