So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
