the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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