So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
