the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
