Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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