good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
