dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
