watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
