Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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