I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
