After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
