when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
