Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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