me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
