I seem to have left my pride at pride
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
