While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
