i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
