I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
