Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
