Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
