So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
