She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
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I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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