she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
