2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
