I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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