I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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