uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
