I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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