I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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