why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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