I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
