oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
